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Ask Ructions: How Do I Begin a New Chapter?


Dear Ructions,

It’s done. I will not be holding an elected office in my community. I had not until now given much thought to what I might do next. Local politics came to occupy many hours of each week. I won’t miss the times I felt surrounded by people who could be ridiculously sensitive. I know I erred in not tending to other parts of my life while consumed with serving my community, winning votes, and defeating unworthy opponents.

There’s going to be a hole in my daily life. How do I fill it without looking like I’m waiting for my next chance? Don’t tell me this is a chance to spend more time with my family. They seem filled with dread at that prospect and have dropped hints that I need to find reasons to get out of the house. (I’ll address this on my own the next time one of them needs to be dropped off at the airport or faces a looming tuition payment.)

Sign me,

Looking into the Gap

Dear Looking,

Choices await you. The first should be to observe a period of quiet reflection. No one ever suffered by making a graceful exit. 

There are many ways to serve. State auditors reported last week that Governor Lamont has not been tending to his appointments. Hundreds of vacancies on state boards and commissions lie fallow. Get the list and see if there are openings on a board that interests you. 

Volunteering falls off after the holidays. Local food banks can often use a boost in the winter. You must know enough people in your community—even subtracting the ones bulldozed—to organize a mid-January food drive, including donations of pet food for the local animal shelter. Go about good works quietly. 

It’s not clear if you lost an election or left of your own accord, though your tone suggests you may not have been the master of events. In either case, everyone can benefit from some bibliotherapy. Read a biography of Abraham Lincoln or Franklin Roosevelt, both of whom overcame setbacks that would have defeated the rest of us. If you are thinking about something completely different from politics, try episodes of the How To Academy podcast. The accomplished share their paths to success in friendly interviews.

No matter how tempting, you must not jump into any local brawls. Do not plot, scheme or recruit in the service of mischief. You are on a sabbatical from settling scores. If you cannot resist contemplating revenge, let this be your silent mantra for now: “A dish best served cold.”

Send boxes of soothing Christmas cards next month, many to people who will be surprised to receive one from you. Try not to append angry notes to them.